Yesterday
by storyglutton
Summary: 4 years after Gon and Killua separated at the world tree, Gon is still struggling to understand why the absence of his best friend causes so much pain. Rated M for later chapters. GonxKillua
1. Chapter 1

"This is no good. If we stay any longer…"

"Yeah."

Waking with with start, the young man sits up in bed, in a room he doesn't recognize. Catching his breath, his memory comes back to him. He's in a hotel in the small town he stopped for the night. Wiping the sweat off of his face he reaches over and turns the lamp on. On the table sits a single framed picture. The young man picks up the picture of a younger version of himself, and a fair haired boy and his dark haired sister. Staring at the picture,the boy sighs deeply.

"That dream again. Why do I keep revisiting that day? It's been almost 4 years, and it still haunts me, why?" he said his baritone voice rippling through the silence of the room. He sighs again setting the picture carefully back on the bedside table, and picks up his beetle phone that was charging beside him. He flips the phone open, and the phone reads "4:37AM, 0 messages, 0 Missed Calls". The young man throws the phone on the bedside table in frustration

"Well, I might as well get an early start, since I'm already up." He says, as he throws his legs over the side of his bed, and stretches his arms above his head. He stands up and pads over to the bathroom. Turning on another light, he turns on the shower and turns to look at his face in the mirror. He raked his fingers through his mess of thick black locks, which he could never quite manage to control. His amber eyes examined his his body for the first time in months. Scars, and bruises peppered the boys toned chest and stomach. He turns to examine a relatively new gash on his shoulder. The red irritated skin around the wound sticks out from the golden skin of his back. He crouches, and reaches under the sink to grab Alcohol. Standing up and looking into the mirror, the young man pours a generous amount into the wound. His handsome features wincing slightly from the pain.

"If Killua was here, he'd yell at me like 'What the heck Gon, that's totally infected! Did you even clean it properly, you're such an idiot!' " He smiles, rubbing the back of his head and stuck his tongue out at his reflection, at the thought. Quickly that nostalgic smile falls into sad frown, his eyebrows knitted together.

"I can't believe he hasn't contacted me. We promised we would keep in touch. I've sent him hundreds of messages, I've called him dozens of times. And nothing." He whispers to himself with tears in his eyes. He takes a deep breath in, as he wipes the tears out of his eyes. He exhales as he turns to the shower, willing the tears away. He can't get negative like that, he loves Killua more than anyone, and he knows that Killua would never ignore him like this without a good reason.

He steps into the shower letting the hot water cascade down his broad shoulders, losing himself in thought. Why do these words keep haunting him? That's what Killua wanted, he was happy when he left him with Alluka, right? He smiled at him and joked that he was now second priority. Maybe he's really busy honing his and Alluka's Nen. Or he could be somewhere where he doesn't get signal, or he could have lost his phone and hasn't been able to get a new one. These hypothetical reasons temporarily calming him. But that feeling still eats away at him. Why does his stomach drop every time he remembers that day? Why does a part of him feel like it's dying every time he wakes up to find that his best friend isn't sleeping soundlessly next to him.

Why can't I get over this? He thinks to himself as he finishes his shower. Stepping out into the steam filled room, he grabs a towel wrapping it around his waist, and walks back into the small hotel room. Walking over to the bedside table he picks back up the beetle phone that was discarded there, flipping it open, the screen reads "5:26AM, 0 Messages, 0 Missed Calls". Nothing's changed, not that he was expecting it to.

Flopping back onto the lumpy mattress, he stares at the screen for a while before he decides that he should message the young man that has been occupying his attention all morning.

Going to his messages he opens the thread the is labeled Killua. Taking a deep breath he types out a message, careful not to let the insecurity and despair that fills his heart show. He writes, "Hey Killua! You would not believe where I am right now! I was contracted by these rich guys to travel to the Dark Continent. I'm hoping that this will be a good for honing my Nen. Since I've gotten it back, my power has been a little unpredictable. Don't worry though, I'll be with a bunch of other really strong Nen users. I wish you could come with me! I bet your Nen is amazing! It was so cool when we were in the NGL, I can only imagine what it's like now. I hope wherever you are that you're having fun with Alluka, and having all the adventures you wanted. Well I should be going, I have to meet my new bosses soon. I miss you, and hope your able to talk soon." He stares at the screen for a while, reading and re-reading the message, before he takes a deep breath and hits the send button. Sitting up, tears he didn't realise were in his eyes, flow down his face.

He sets the phone back on the bedside table, standing and walking over to his bag, pulling out a fresh pair of boxers and a pair of homemade jean shorts in his signature green. Throwing a white t shirt, he folds the towel that was around his waist neatly and hangs it back up in the bathroom. He grabs the photo and gently places it into his bag. Picking up his phone and sticking it into his back pocket, he does one last scan around the small room, and walks out into the breaking dawn. The young man sighs softly to himself as he walks to the location given to him by his new employer. Watching the sky turn from light blue to a brilliant pinks and reds, he sings "Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday."

After walking for about an hour, the young man finds himself in front of what looks like an abandoned warehouse. He looks at the piece of paper that the agency gave him, triple checking he had the address correct. When he's positive that he's in the right place, he shrugs his shoulders, and proceeds to go check to see if anyone is there. He uses Zetsu to make sure that he doesn't attract any unwanted attention, just in case he isn't alone. He quickly and quietly walks to the windows on the front side of the building. Peeking inside he didn't see anyone. All he could make out was discarded equipment and trash. Walking over to the door that is hanging off of it's hinges, he quietly slips through the gap left in between the frame and the door. When he looks around the room he just entered, he sees nothing but a large open room with a random assortment of crap. He starts to wonder if this is some type of test, when he suddenly hears voices from the other side of the room.

He almost sighed aloud from the relief of knowing he wasn't the only one here, but he kept his guard up just in case they turned out not who he was expect. Creeping towards the voices, he sees a staircase hidden by some large scraps of metal. As he examines the stairwell that the voices are emitting from, he taken aback by what he sees. It is in complete contrast to the rest of the warehouse. Made of what looks to be a solid piece of mahogany, it spirals down to what looks like a white marble floor. He slowly descends the staircase making sure not to alert anyone of his presence. Was he rounds the first twist of the staircase he can start to see the room more clearly. It's a small room, used as what looks to be a reception area. There's a large desk with an attractive young woman sitting behind it, with an annoyed frown distorting her features. In front of the desk is 3 very large men who seem to be arguing with the young lady.

"Come on cupcake, we're more than qualified to a handle anything these schmucks can throw at us." says what seems to be the leader of the men.

"Sorry...Gentlemen," she says with sarcasm dripping off the word gentleman. "But I'm afraid the law states you need clearance from the Hunter's Association to go to the Dark Continent. As was clearly stated in the information that was given to you. If you weren't able to acquire the appropriate documents, then I'm going to have to, regrettably, deny you employment on this expedition," she finished tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder for emphasis. A condescending smile plastered on her face.

"That's bullshit!" the man yelled a vein popping out of his forehead in frustration. "Everyone know's it's impossible to get that clearance!"

"Really? Cause I didn't have any trouble getting my paper." The boy commented, cocking his head to the side pondering the statement. Was is really impossible, and if so how did he get his so easily?

The building silence get the boy to look back at the room. Everyone was frozen just staring at him as if they'd seen a ghost. He started to wonder if something was behind him when he remembered that he was supposed to be sneaking around. Oops... Chuckling at himself for his slip up. Yet another thing that Killua would yell at him for if he was here, with that thought his smile falls. Someone clears their throat, pulling him once again from his thoughts.

"Um young man, I'm sorry but who are you and what are you doing here?" The young lady asked breaking the silence, a dumbfounded look on her face.

"Oh I'm sorry!" He apologizes, with a huge smile on his face. He rubs the back of his head and sticks out his tongue as he drops his Zetsu. Just as he was about to introduce himself a door he didn't notice slams open, and static electricity fills the air. As he turns to see what just happened, amber eyes lock onto lavender. Both pairs of eyes widen, and his voice gets lost in his throat.

"Gon?" the new voice says. Gon stands there for what seems like an eternity before he responds.

"Killua."


	2. Chapter 2

'Hey Killua! You would not believe where I am right now! I was contracted…' was all the teen could see in the message preview on his messenger app. He throws his head back, to stare at the ceiling, with an exasperated groan. He looks back down at the phone in his lap, his long white locks falling down around his face. He looks at the unopened conversation thread for the millionth time this morning. The bold black number beside the contact named Gon reads 853. Just seeing that number makes his stomach drop. How did it get to this point, how did he let so much time go without confronting this. He can only imagine what Gon must be thinking, what he would be thinking if the roles were reversed. At least he would deserve to be ignored, when Gon was innocent in this. It was his disgusting mind that was the one to blame.

He had used Alluka and his promise to Bisky as opt out of having to deal with his feelings, and now it's almost been 4 years since then, Alluka is now having her own adventures leaving him here. All the while it had been festering in his soul like a plague, turning his soul black and making his head inhospitable. What had started off as a confusing feeling had grown perverse, filling the teen with self hatred. He's wanted to pick up phone and call him so many times over the years. To confess his feelings to him. Maybe then Gon would understand why they can't be friends anymore. Finally understand how he had taken the friendship Gon had given him, the light Gon had shown on his sad excuse for an existence and corrupted it. Gon would hate him, he would be disgusted by what he had done to his image. Even though he knew he deserved it he could bare to hear the things he been telling himself for years, come out of his perfect mouth. It would kill him. So he hid, hoping that Gon would either give up or grow to hate him without the confrontation. But with every new message came the soul crushing hope, before his reason would kick back in. Killua doesn't deserve him. He didn't deserve his blinding smile to warm the dark corners of his heart. He doesn't deserve the unconditional loyalty and pure love that came so naturally to Gon. Gon definitely doesn't deserve a best friend that can't even be around him without thinking disgusting things about him.

The teen sits back in his irritated silence in corner of the room, studying the motley bunch that surrounded him incredulously. 'This is the so called elite team they've assembled to take to the dark continent' he thought to himself as he rolled his eyes. "I could have killed all of these assholes at five without even breaking a sweat', he smirks at this thought. A group of men that sitting across the room from him have been very blatantly staring at him since he got here. One of the men, an especially burly blonde man with a ridiculous moustache, points at him and starts to whisper to the other men before all of them snicker. Killua had been in a foul mood since his phone lit up this morning notifying him of a new message, and these assholes were not helping. When the group looks over at him again and laughs again, his eyebrow twitches. He's had enough, he gives them the most sickeningly sweet smile he can muster and walks over to them.

"Is there something I can help you with gentlemen?" He says, his voice dripping with venom. When hears the men snicker again he has to actively refrain from ripping out all of their hearts. Today is not the fucking day to push him.

"Yeah," the man with the stupid moustache says. "I thought this was an elite team. When did they start including snot nose brats like yourself in? Are you even old enou-" before he could even finish his thought Killua's hand had rips his larynx out stopping him mid sentence, the man stares at him in shock as blood gurgles where his throat used to be. Killua smirked from under his bangs waiting for the rest of the idiots to respond, when he out of nowhere an overwhelming and familiar aura washes over the room.

Without his mind even being able register what was happening, he feels electricity envelop him and his feet carry him toward this aura. 'There's no fucking way', was the only thing that ran through the young man's when as he opened the door at the end of the hallway, the last obstacle in the way of him and where his heart pulled him. He looks towards the stairs and sees what his heart knew was and his stomach flipped so hard he thought he might throw up. All he was able to muster was a lame, "Gon". The boy in question's head snapped over, amber eyes meeting his, almost burning him with the intensity. So many emotion flash through his beautiful amber orbs before he whispered one word that shattered the other boys heart.

"Killua," barely audible, and laced with such sadness and confusion that Killua's brain stopped functioning. Guilt crashing over him like a tsunami. He was unable to tell up from down, and the soul crushing darkness was disorienting. After what seemed like forever of him staring dumbly at the boy, Gon's eyes started to roam over his body making Killua's face darken and his eyes shift away.

"Killua, why do you have blood on your hand? Are you ok, have you hurt yourself?" Killua's eyes snap back to the other boy who is now looking from his hand back to his face with concern in his eyes. Only Gon could still feel concern for him after how he's treated him. Seeing such concern for him, after all he's put the teen through, just pushes him even further under the waves of guilt and self loathing. Now looking into those bright eyes his brain stops working again, and instead of registering the question he just blushes even deeper and replies with the only thing his lips can fix himself to say.

"What?" he says dumbly, having to stop himself from facepalming. What the actual fuck is wrong with him right now! After almost 4 years and the only two words he's been able to cough out is 'Gon' and 'What'. "Smooth going Killua, keep this up and he's going to think you're an idiot.' Trying to pull himself together he looks at the hand in question trying to figure out what the fuck is happening right now. Realization washes over him before his stomach drops. He still has that stupid fuckers throat gripped in his fist. All of this happened so fast all he could do is react. Panic grips his heart, 'how the fuck and I going to explain this?' I mean he know's he used to be an assassin, but is how is he going to react to me killing someone is cold blood? Would he hate him? Not that he didn't deserve it, but now that Gon is in front of him, he doesn't know if his heart could sustain that sort of hurt. Unsure of what to do he says the first thing that comes to his mind.

"It's none of your concern." even to him is seems way more hostile than he meant for it to. Gon's eyes flash with hurt before they harden breaking Killua's heart. Taking a deep breath he centers himself and tries again. "I'm fine Gon, I'm not hurt." He mumbles his eyes shift away from the other boys hiding under his bangs, his face heats up in embarrassment. When he peeks back up at him the boy's amber eyes have softened his head is tilted to the side in either curiously or confusion.

Suddenly a cough breaks their attention, and Killua's head turns to see the receptionist and and three rather large men look at them as if they'd grown second heads. 'Fucking great, as if i don't have enough fucking shit to deal with right now.' Killua thinks to himself, his temper flaring. Gon responds before his blood lust has a chance to eek out.

"Sorry about that Ma'am, I was about to introduce myself." He smiles and and rubs the back of this head with his tongue out. Killua's heart flips seeing this. He hadn't realized how much this boy affected him, even with the smallest gestures. "My name is Gon Freecss, and I believe I'm the last member for your trip to the continent." The young man gives her a blinding smile.

"Wait, what?" was all Killua could get out in his shock. Isn't he just a fucking wordsmith today? I guess he shouldn't be so surprised. Why the fuck else would he be here? It's just why does he have to be here now? Was he recruited the was Killua was? What the hell is going on? The young man was to wrapped up in his mental breakdown to notice the small green man, and another man walk down the steps.

"Beans!" Gon yells at the man, grinning ear to ear. "What are you doing here?" Killua turns to take in the two, 'oh great, as if this couldn't get any better.'

"Master Gon, it's good to see you again. When I heard you were selected to join us on this expedition I was very happy. You and Killua where natural choices, especially after all your help with the Ants." Beans said smiling up at the young man.

"I thought this expedition was commissioned by Nasubi Hui Guo Rou? So what is the Association doing here?" Says Killua coldly, examining the two incredulously. There was something familiar about the other man, but he couldn't put his finger on it, and it was bugging him.

Instead of Beans, the other man with him answers. "You are correct in that the Royal Family are the Patrons, but I am the leader of this exhibition, my name is Beyond Netero." As he spoke the last part both of the boys looked at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"Netero had a son?" Gon practically shouted.

"Yes Gon, he was also apart of the original team that accompanied Netero to the Dark Continent. We'll explain everything…" Before Beans could finish his sentence he was interrupted by one of the men who were harassing the secretary.

"So these brats just get to waltz through here, and you're going to cockblock us? What kind of bullshit operation are you running? This one looks like he's 12." The man shouted pointing at Gon. The vain in Killua's forehead starts to pulse. 'Who the fuck does this asshole think he is talking about Gon like that. I will rip out his spine through his fucking nose.

Gon balls his hands at this sides, and puffs out his cheeks in irritation. "Just because we're young doesn't mean anything. I've had my hunter's licence for 5 years, and Killua has been an assassin for his entire life. We've seen things you couldn't even believe, and lived to tell about it. So you shouldn't judge someone because of something stupid like age...so there!" he shouts at the man sticking his tongue out at him. Everyone stops and stares at the young man. Killua stares at him his eyes stake with emotion, then a grin rips out over his face and he starts laughing. It starts as a chuckle, and quickly turns into almost hysterical laughter. Only Gon.

Once Killua was able to catch his breath he turns to Gon and playfully shoves him and says, " It's ok Gon, fuck him. He doesn't matter anyway." His hand lingering on Gon's shoulder longer than is should, their eyes locking. Gon looks at the boy with a confused look at first before it quickly shifts to a hopeful smile. Only to shift again when Killua pulls away from him shoving his hands into his pockets, covering his eyes with his bangs, and turns away from him. Sadness creeps into his eyes, but his smile never falls. A soft sad chuckle escapes his lips, as he turns back to the rest of the room. The tan boy catches Beyond watching the two carefully with a knowing smile that makes the hair on the back of the boy's neck stand on edge. Gon ignores the feeling and extends his hand to the large man.

"Nice to meet you Beyond. You're Dad was super cool, and I hope working with you will be just as awesome." he says with a smile, seeming to have shaken what was bothering him.

"Yes, I've heard alot about you and your friend here. My father spoke very highly of you. He would have been proud of the young man you've become."

"Thank you so much, that means a lot…"

"Okay so y'all are just gonna fucking ignore us now? What the fuck?" The large man at the desk yelled starting to walk towards Gon. Before anyone else could respond the was a blur of motion, then the man coughed and falls face first and ceases to move. Everyone in the rooms heads turn in the direction of the blur. Standing there was Killua with a piece of fabric that sags and starts to show red stains dotting it. The boy calmly walked to one of the man's comrades and handed him the cloth and the contents. The man stares at him with a confused look on his face only for his face to pale. He slowly looks in the cloth to find the other man's still beating heart inside. He promptly faints signaling the rest of them to start to flee, grabbing the unconscious man. There is a cacophony of alarmed shouts of "fuck this shit!", or "who the fuck are these people?', and "Man I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit".

No one moves as the sound of footsteps fade away into a stale silence. Everyone is staring at Killua with the exception of Gon who is trying, unsuccessfully, to hide his giggling behind his hand. The young man who has been taking this opportunity to stare at him from under his snowy bangs. Beyond looks between the two young men, and with a knowing smile turns to the young lady behind the desk, apologises for the disruption they have caused, and asks her to gather the rest of the recruits so they can meet the rest of the party.

"You two stay here, and bring the others up." Beyond tells the young men, giving Killua a just-talk-to-him, before he turns around and walks back up the stairs Bean close behind him.

"Who does that geezer think he is, ordering us around like we're kids?" Killua growls as he glares at the man's retreating back.

"I don't know, I thought he seemed nice." Gon says also watching the man retreat up the stairs.

"Gon you think everyone is nice." Killua says. He thought he heard a chuckle from up above, but he ignores and looks around just to notice that they're alone. At this realization the boy panics, shoving his hands in his pockets and kicks at the ground. "Man this shit is bogus, why do we have to wait for these losers, and why'd they have us meet here if they were just going to make us leave right away anyway." he says trying, but failing, to avoid the topic that he can feel hang in the air.

When he gets no response he looks over at the other boy, only for his stomach to drop. The other boy is looking directly at him with a pained look on his face, or rather should be directly at him. But Killua can tell the boy isn't looking at him, but past him to something unseen. His eyes lose some of the dull far away look, only for them to shift to the floor.

"It's been four years, four long, tiring, painful years."

* * *

 **I want to thank everyone who as read, reviewed, and favorited my story. I started writing this as something to give my brain something constructive to do and never thought anyone would read it. So thank you all so very much, from the bottom of my heart. I'm also really sorry it took me so long to update, I didn't realise anyone cared and have been procrastinating hard core. I'll endeavour to be better in the future. Again thank you all so much, and feel free to review with your honest opinions. I'd love to improve for y'all. :)**


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